Trip Home

Hi everyone. Pat, Sawyer, and I are back from our 6 day trip to Ft. Lauderdale. Here's Sawyer playing grandpa Lowell's drums. Drumming runs in the family. My grandma passed away last weekend after getting sick rather quickly. We didn't really expect this to happen so fast, but I think we all had a chance to prepare in one way or another since she wasn't quite the same after a stroke a few years ago. It took a couple days for us to prepare for the trip and we knew it would be challenging with Sawyer being a baby who doesn't do well when confined to small spaces. Like most little guys, Sawyer would rather be loud and crawl around exploring than sit on mommy or daddy's lap for a long flight. Regardless, I hoped maybe we could bring some cheer or support for my grandpa who lost his wife of over 50 years. I really really did not want to go to Florida and have people expect to make a big deal out of us visiting, and fortunately everyone gave us our space. My family let us just be there for support and while everyone, especially my mom, made us feel welcome, no one acted like they were put out by having to entertain us. Keeping Sawyer comfortable and out of everyone's way kept me from really being able to face the reality that my grandma was gone, which is okay because I have all the time in the world for that. I know that everyone grieves in their own time and in their own way.

On the ride back home from the airport, I looked around at the Bangkok streets, bustling at midnight, and tried to think of all the crazy stories to tell about our trip. The journey to the U.S. tried our patience, 33 hours of no sleep and way too much pressure on ourselves to keep Sawyer quiet and content on the plane. Why do I still bother? We'd missed a connection, Sawyer did not sleep but a few hours, we were feeling lousy. Once we got to Ft. Lauderdale, Sawyer still did not sleep. This led us to take him to a doctor to ask how much Benadryl is safe to give a baby and found out he had an ear infection. This led to a cold, fever, more nights driving around to get him to sleep in his car seat. Me passed out in the passenger seat while we drive up and down A1A at 2am and missing a headlight attracted a police car who pulled us over. We had to evacuate Ft. Lauderdale airport right after clearing security and sitting down at our gate on our way out of town. Turns out there was a busted pipe somewhere. On one flight back the smell of something burning filled the cabin so fast that I told Pat, "We'd better start praying" and I was serious. Turned out to be the first class oven burning some paper. The guy in front of us on one flight actually had an accident in his pants, and he couldn't have been more than 25 years old. He chose to wash up in the one lavatory with a changing table.

Anyway, on that drive home from the airport I told myself that all these stories are interesting, maybe funny, but really they aren't what our trip was about. It's fun to talk about all those things and it might seem more interesting to read about on my boring blog than some of our time just sitting around. But our trip was supposed to be just about sitting around - with grandpa and my dad mainly. That was what made it worth it. Any challenges would have made it worth it just to get the chance to try to be there for my grandpa and family even though they didn't seem to be falling apart. Everyone seemed to be holding up just fine, at least on the outside. It was good to see grandpa smile at Sawyer and watch Sawyer dance to the blaring jazz DVD grandpa blasted through his 500 inch t.v. My point is, I talk about all these little mishaps, but they don't at all mean we aren't 100% glad we went to visit, or that I'm complaining, or that I think that our trip was a price we paid to come visit. We'd do it again in a heartbeat and I hope no one saw our dreariness or occasional frustration to mean we didn't want to be there or were looking for sympathy. I wish I was back in Ft. Lauderdale right now.

Honestly, there weren't a lot of words spoken about grandma and I wasn't sure how that would happen or if it needed to happen. We all got together for a dinner at grandpa's but there wasn't anything formal about it. I figured I'd share some things about grandma here. They are just some things I remember or know about grandma.

My earliest memories of Ft. Lauderdale are as a visitor from Tarpon Springs. I remember looking up out of the car window to see Norfolk pines and knowing we were close to grandma and grandpa's house. The smell of a new box of crayons brings me right back to that because my grandparents would always get me a brand new coloring book and box of crayons when I got there. Grandma and I used to color together. She liked painting and art and so I felt like I was being taught by a pro when coloring with her. She taught me to outline my hand in crayon. Instead of turning hands into turkeys, I remember coloring really fancy fingernails. Grandma was always swoon over how beautiful they were.

Grandma liked to swim in the pool. Her hair stayed up in a black bun, never getting wet. We knew not to splash her and get her hair wet. Andy and I liked to imitate grandma's style of swimming. She had a frog-style stroke with her body sideways and head out of the water, of course. She swam really slowly and we thought that was weird. Why wouldn't you race, even if it was against yourself? Grandma was more patient with us when we'd climb onto the roof and jump off into the pool. She was more patient than grandpa about pretty much everything.

Grandma would sing this song to me to make me laugh. It's the one that goes, "You say tomato, I say to-maa-to..." It was funny to me because she would sing it very dramatically. She used to do small plays and I think she wrote some. She also sang and there are great pictures of her, all dolled up in front of a band with the big microphone. I always thought of her as a glamorous, singing movie star who'd decided to leave Hollywood and start a family. I wonder if she would have made it in Hollywood...? Grandma was even dramatic in the last few years. When Pat and I would visit her, she'd make like we were busting her out of the nursing home. She'd share "secrets" about the staff and give exaggerated looks around her to make sure no one else was listening. Pat and I just played along. Some people think that stuff is kind of sad, but I guess it was fun for all of us so there's no harm done.

The last time really remember visiting with grandma before her stroke (or whatever the doctors ended up calling it) was in Ft. Lauderdale at the house. I was down visiting and I don't think I had a car with me at the time. Grandpa was going to make spaghetti and I wasn't planning to stay for dinner, but it began pouring and he didn't want to drive me anywhere. It was October and that whole stay in Ft. Lauderdale was clouded by torrential downpours. I sat at the dining room table with grandma. We were watching one of her "stories." I looked out the front screen door and thought, "This sucks. I'm stuck." It was hard for me to stay in one place at the time. I guess I'm still like that and come to think of it, so is my dad who always gets after me about that! Anyway, the power went out. I was even more stuck! Something inside told me, "This will be a day you remember and you'd better make the most of it because your grandparents won't be around forever." It sounds so over-dramatic but I do remember loosening up after that thought passed. Grandma had commented on the changing demographics of the soap stars in a colorful way. Grandpa resorted to cooking the spaghetti sauce over one of those camping gas can things in the carport and made several trips out to check on it. I was waiting to hear an explosion, but fortunately never did. A few times grandma asked him if he'd remembered to put in oregano. He got pretty peeved about it. That afternoon with the power out, grandma and grandpa told stories about their crazy youth. Well, grandpa did most of the talking but grandma was there for some humorous interjections. The stories involved "dego wine," "bennies," and traveling around PA. When dad came over to join us for dinner, I told him to ask grandpa if there was any oregano in the sauce and grandma thought that was funny.

Grandma was superstitious. She told me to never use a Ouija board. She said that once she used one as a kid and the whole table the board was sitting on flew up to the ceiling and dropped down. I believed her and have never used one for that reason. Now I just rely on astrology to tell the future. Okay not really.

Grandma wasn't the typical grandma who bakes cookies and cakes and stuffs you because you're "skin and bones." Grandpa seemed to do most of the cooking. Early in the morning, my dad would drop us off at my grandparents before school when he had to go to work. We would eat breakfast at home before grandma and grandpa's, then ask for breakfast at their house, too. Grandma would pour us bowls of cereal that went about a half-inch up the side of bowl. When we'd ask for more, she'd always oblige, but with an "Oh MY! You must be so hungry!" We thought that was ludicrous! Andy and I could take out a box of cereal in one sitting if allowed. During summer school, breakfast was served at school. That meant we'd eat breakfast at home, then at grandma's, then at school. It's a wonder we weren't overweight. After school, it was back to grandma and grandpa's. They always had Little Debbies for our after-school snack. The were located in the crisper in the fridge. We were allowed one each when we got home from school. One was never enough. Andy and I would watch cartoons in their bedroom and work out little schemes on how to get more. It was ridiculously exciting for us to sneak past them into the kitchen. The crisper drawer was the biggest obstacle since it was so loud. Sometimes we got caught but grandma never made a big deal of it. Why on earth didn't we just ask for more? I guess sneaking was more fun.

For a few years there, grandma decided to drive again. Maybe it was less than a few years, not really sure. She had a cream-colored car. Sort of a beater. I remember the brake pedal made a shooshing sound when she'd press on it, a sound that said, "Okay lady, all in due time, I'll get to it eventually." It made me a little nervous even back then not knowing much about cars. It broke down in front of Stephen Foster Elementary once and I remember being embarrassed. Looking back, I can still feel the embarrassment but have no earthly idea what's so embarrassing about it! It's hard for kids to laugh that stuff off, for whatever reason. She was picking me up, what was I complaining about?

Sawyer got to meet grandma June of 2007. He was 3 months old and still wobbly and awkward, but he really liked grandma. Her face made me wish we lived there to visit more with the baby because she really took to him. I know sometimes older people don't like being around babies, but she got really animated and brought out some real smiles from Sawyer. We got some pictures of the meeting. If you're reading this, you've been staring at the computer screen a long time and should probably rest your eyes!