Happy Birthday to Mr. S.

The apple of my eye is one year old. He turned one yesterday. March was always my least favorite month. I like St. Patrick's Day, but never did get much out of that holiday compared to the other ones. Plus March is pretty dreary in Maryland. It's still cold even though the novelty of winter has long since worn off. It's sometimes really rainy and dismal. It's too early to bake bunny and flower cookies and too late for pumpkin bread and hot chocolate. You're just itching for spring but you know that you've still got at least a month for the really gorgeous weather to arrive. Now I have a reason to love March! Pat and I sometimes talk about how it's a very good thing I didn't go into labor a week earlier last year which was St. Patrick's Day night. Pat was at the Waldorf Bennigans and I tried to be the cool pregnant wife who didn't dampen her husband's plans. He always offered to stay home with me if I was tired or not able to go with friends since the outing involved somewhere smoky and loud. But that night I told Pat to just go have a good time. He did have a good time. And if I'd gone into labor with him an hour away and drinking shamrock juice it wouldn't have been a good time for me. Anyway, I wasn't, and didn't go into labor for another week. It was a quiet Saturday night of Papa John's and couch lying (all I was allowed to do on bedrest). I went into labor a few hours after we wrote our list of what to take to the hospital just in case labor was closer than we thought. Thank goodness for the list because within about 1 minute of my water breaking, I was unable to think or walk straight. Pat is wonderfully helpful, it worked out, and I'll spare you the rest of the story!

Sawyer is the star now! He had a pretty normal birthday except for my friend and I referred to him as the birthday boy and I sang Happy Birthday to him a LOT. The bigger day will probably be Sawyer's birthday party on Sunday. Completely ignoring all baby book advice, we sent an evite out to everyone we know here. And, unlike any party I've ever thrown, everyone is coming. You don't want to know how many people are coming. I'll just tell you that it's so many that we've sent out an email to everyone saying to tell them instead of the party being at 1pm, it's an open house and we'll serve snacks and cake from 1-4, come and go as you please. I wrote that our aim is to NOT overstimulate all the kiddies. It's really to avoid having that many people in our apartment at once. We've gotten a positive reaction to the new idea so hopefully everyone has caught on and will stagger their visits.

All day yesterday I imagined what was going on a year ago and how I just didn't have any idea. He's got me a little emotional, of course. What surprises me is that his first birthday isn't the most emotional part. It's weaning...I'm serious! My personal goal is to have Sawyer weaned as much as possible by our trip to the U.S. in late May. Right now he nurses about 3 times per day. Maybe he sneaks a snack in every so often. Sometimes it's barely 3 nursings because he's too busy. My short term goal is eliminating the bedtime nurse since that will be the hardest. A lot of books say to do that a long time before now because babies should be able to go to sleep on their own. Well, Sawyer actually nurses, then looks up at me drearily, and goes to his crib awake. Sometimes he gives a giggle or cry, rolls over, and then goes to sleep. That bed time nursing is a little special. Nursing was incredibly hard for us, all 3 of us, at the beginning. I got some infections, Sawyer wouldn't stay awake, he was a weak little sucker and I had to work so hard to get him to eat for more than 6 min. in the beginning. Then he wanted to eat all the time, and I mean all the time. Here's a typical breastfeeding night in the beginning:

2:30am
Kelly: He cannot be hungry again. He just ate. Now he can't latch on...Pat do you hear me? Wake up, I need help!

Pat: Okay...

Kelly: I'm totally lopsided and he won't eat on the side I need him to! Pat!!!

Pat: Okay, I'm up.

Kelly: He's not getting it. This is too hard, I'M DONE, WHO CARES IF I'M A QUITTER?! Get me formula.

Pat (trying to roll back over in bed without Kelly noticing): But you can do it, it just takes time. You said you wanted to do this.

Kelly (noticing Pat's rolling back over in bed): Thanks a lot for the SUPPORT! If I want to do formula, we're doing formula, I CAN'T DO THIS!!! YOU TRY IT!

[Kelly fumbling with the baby, a pause...]

He still can't latch on.

Pat: Want me to get formula?

Kelly: Are you saying I can't do this? You just want me to give up? Thanks again for the SUPPORT! He just spit up on me again.

The sleepless nights it took to get over that first 3 months made the easy part of breastfeeding that much more satisfying. What was tearful work and the center of quite a few spats between Pat and I became convenient and cheap and easy. I'll really miss those times at night where the moment he latches on, it seems like he's 2 months old again. Those little primal mannerisms kick in and he's an itsy bitsy newborn again. It's been my only doorway to the infant version of this big boy of mine. I wonder if I'll ever again have a secret way of looking back into a younger version of my son, simply by looking at him.

Tonight, instead of nursing being after play time and bath time, nursing came before. After he was in his green striped jammies, he sat on my lap with a sippy cup of milk and a snack, nibbled a bit, I brushed his 4 teeth and laid him in his crib. He cried for about 2 seconds and went to sleep. It's WAY too early to guess, but I sadly wonder if it will be that easy. Can he do without mommy just like that? Pat says he'll remind me I asked in the middle of the night when Sawyer is up and crying.